just fake!

each day passes by playing hours of computer games, neopets, reciting quran for 2 hrs, doing math and going out. is there something im missing. cuz i dont feel good at all. i mean doing all these....fun....but....there is something missing..im not sure wat it it is though...i think im missing skl. but im also quite sad that the hollidays r ending..ok im just kinda confused. got nothing interesting to post lately. i dont even feel like posting the interesting stuff. i just feel lyk a lion left in a jungle. lost...i think that i dont really fit in with my family..i feel really distant..i dont even recogniz myself...i used to be the 1 who allways obeys my parents no matter how rediculous they sound sometimes...but suddenly i find myself talking back to them...u just cant controll it it just bursts out..its like there is something inside me which wants to cum out but if it cums out something terrible will happen. im afraid of myself sometimes...im turning into someone i dont want to be...i dont want to hurt my parentsts feelings...but sometimes i just feel that i kind of feel happy doing that....its like something inide me is.....something which is trapped inside me is.....escaping....i really dont know hoe 2 expln this feeling. so im really trying to keep myself from being distant to them i laugh, i joke, i do all kinds of crap...but i cant try to change the fact that that is not me...wat i am turning into is not me...i like black cuz i can just hide in it...its like a mask..a few months before everything in my closset was black..all my clothes...hair bands..everything even the paintings i do will be all black wit all kind of dull colors..my pencil case was black..my bag was a dull color too...but then... i started to add some colors my closset is changing..my bag is sky blue.....but i just realiz that this person im turning into is someone who will be accepeted by eveyone...i fake smile, fake laughter...altogether i am fake...fake...FAKE!!!